I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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