Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
