let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
