She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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