i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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