I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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