You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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