So drunk its hurt
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
