It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
