hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
