piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So much rum. So many feels.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
