I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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