I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
