I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
