glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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