Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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