Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
