Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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