grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
