would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
