Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
