Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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