I think i sorta joined a cult last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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