pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
