shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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