Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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