Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
