just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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