he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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