He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
