I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
