that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
