Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize