the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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