fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize