this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
