i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
