I'd wear matching sweaters with you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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