pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize