I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
