Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
