What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
