toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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