The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
