I didn't shave. On purpose
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
