He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
