I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
