so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
