I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
