I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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