i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
