Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
