someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
