i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
