mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
