This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
