i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i think my cat just said my name.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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