Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize