What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
