I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
