Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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