DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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