thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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