I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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