Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
