You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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