I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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