It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
