you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
