Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
