we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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