The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
