The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
