He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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