You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
