Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
