my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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