I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
